


Babies Come With Hats

by JudasComplex



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Broken Hearts, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, New Year, Obscure Reference, not personal canon, not really a Rise/Kanji but about halfway there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 07:06:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudasComplex/pseuds/JudasComplex
Summary: Yu and Naoto went to the shrine for the New Year.Rise and Kanji both saw them go.Now it's up to the broken hearts to piece themselves back together.





	Babies Come With Hats

He'd tried to pretend he didn't see it. Tried to pretend he didn't notice his hand lingering on her waist for a moment too long, didn't notice the way she watched him when he wasn't looking, didn't notice that more often than not, she was in the front line fighting while he got relegated to the backup team.

But he couldn't pretend anymore. Not after he'd seen them hand in hand at the shrine, wishing for happiness together for the new year. Not after he'd seen them kiss. Not anymore.

He didn't care about the snow, or the cold, or the fact that he couldn't feel his hands all that well anymore. He stared blankly out over the town he grew up in, the town he'd always loved so much, no matter how badly it had treated him...and he wanted to jump. He wanted to vault over the fence and let himself fall down the rocks into the streets below—or better yet, find somewhere he could jump and land on a telephone pole. It would be a fitting irony.

Maybe if he went to the roof at Junes.

His ma would cry. She'd buried her husband and now she'd bury her son, another victim of the serial killer. Maybe the team would come to the funeral. Yosuke, dressed in a black suit that didn't quite fit him, wondering if it had been his dumbass comments that had been the last straw. _It's not you, Senpai. You're annoying as shit, but it's not you._ Chie and Yukiko, arm in arm, the blonde looking lost and the black-haired girl letting silent tears trace down her face. _I'm sorry, Yukiko-senpai. I'm sorry we stopped talking. I'm sorry to make you cry._ Teddie, lost and confused, in a suit he'd borrowed from Yosuke. _I know you don't understand, Ted. I'm sorry._ Rise, sobbing into a handkerchief because even if they hadn't been the best of friends, everything she did or felt was over the top. _You shouldn't be crying over someone like me, Rise. You can do better._

And somewhere in the back, feeling obligated to be there, the cold-hearted bastards who did this to him. They wouldn't know it was their fault. Yu would stand there, stoic and still like usual, trying to figure out where they'd gone wrong. How he'd missed a clue about the case.

Next to him, gripping his hand for dear life and not showing a single other emotion... He didn't know what Naoto would be thinking. She'd blamed herself for Nanako; maybe she'd wonder if it had been something she'd missed for him as well.

_Ding ding ding, give the fucking detective a fucking prize. It's a broken fucking heart. Enjoy._

“Kanji?” He didn't turn around. He knew who it was. Had no clue why she was here, but he knew who she was.

“M'not in the mood.”

“Neither am I.” Then he heard the shake in her voice, and he turned to look back at a red-eyed, tear-stained Rise, standing a few feet away wringing her hands through her gloves. “Can we be not in the mood together?”

He blinked, but shrugged with a nod, brushing off the bench next to him. She stepped over and perched on the edge, staring at her hands. She didn't offer anything, which was odd since she rarely stopped talking, so Kanji tried. “What happened?”

“Nothing. Just me being stupid.” She wiped at her eyes, looking up to the sky in hopes of stopping the tears from falling.

“What happened?” One more try.

She sighed and looked at him, then back down to her gloves. “I...I wanted to surprise Senpai, so I was walking to his house to see him for the New Year...but...” She swallowed, and Kanji knew the rest of the story, but he let her keep talking. Better to let it out than keep it in. “I-I saw them, at the shrine. Th-They looked so ha-ha-happy.” Her tears were coming back, and she put a hand to her mouth. “I saw them kiss.”

“Yeah.” His own tears had run dry a while ago. “I saw too.”

“I-I didn't believe it at first, s-so I ran back h-home and s-sent him a text, asking if we could g-go out, and he s-said he was busy and w-wouldn't tell me why.” Her voice was muffled by the glove and the tears, but he could still hear her well enough. “A-and I just threw my ph-phone at the wall and it broke.”

Kanji smirked in spite of himself. “Whoops.”

“I-I just thought... I th-thought he knew.” She rubbed at her eyes again. “It w-wasn't just show. I r-r-really liked him.”

“Know you did.” The lump in his throat was coming back, though, and it was getting harder to swallow.

Rise looked at him then, and made a sad sound in the back of her throat. “I'm sorry, Kanji, I didn't mean to just come up here and tell you how sad I was. You...” The sentence faded and Kanji glanced over at her—and he was sure his eyes were just as bloodshot as hers. “I'm sorry, Kanji.”

“Never had a chance.” He shrugged, trying to make the stabbing in his chest stop as he stared at the ground. “Whatever.”

“It's _not_ whatever, Kanji!” She lightly hit his arm and he glanced back at her. “It's your feelings, and she walked all over them.”

“Didn't know. Never told 'er. Chickened out.” He went to look away, but Rise caught his chin and forced him to look back.

“Even to her, it should have been obvious. I mean, we all knew.” He pulled his chin from her hand and she sighed. “She's smarter than that. It was super obvious.”

“Then just means I really didn't have a chance. If she knew, she never made a move at all. Never noticed. Never cared.” Dammit, his voice was getting choked up again.

Rise leaned against his shoulder, and he couldn't bring himself to shrug her off. “Looks like we're in the same boat.”

“Yeah.” And they sat in comfortable silence for a while like that, with Rise resting her head on Kanji's shoulder and Kanji hoping the world ends around him and the both of them wondering where they went wrong and why they're not good enough for the people they love.

“Do you think I'm pretty?” Rise's question came out of nowhere.

Kanji turned his head, looking at her hair since that's what he could see. “What?”

She picked up her head and looked at him. “You heard me. Do you think I'm pretty?”

“Uh.” There's a beat and he scratched at the back of his head. “Well yeah, course.” He frowned. “Why you wanna know if I think you're pretty? You think I'm weird.”

“I...” She started to protest, and then stopped. “Well, maybe a little, but...you're just the only person I've ever met like you. None of the other guys I know knit or sew or anything, but... I don't know, it...fits you, I guess.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“No, really.” She turned so that she was facing him. “Like, you put up a big show of being all badass and whatever, but...you're really nice, Kanji. You're kind and thoughtful and you put other people in front of yourself. I see it a lot in the TV world.”

He looked in her eyes for any trace of humor, but it looked like she was being honest. “Uh...well, thanks. I guess.”

There was another long pause, and Rise watched her gloves and he just waited for her to speak again. “What would you do?”

“What?”

“On a New Year's date. Pretend you're going to take me on a date. Where do we go?”

“The hell?” Kanji is dumbstruck. “What are you talkin' about?”

“Just humor me, Kanji.”

There was something about the way she was watching him that made his face burn. “Uh...well, okay. Um. Well, I mean we'd...we'd go to the shrine, right? Make an offering an' stuff. Then...uh, well I mean I've gone and drawn a fortune, most of the time. Hope for good luck for the year. Um.” What else had he done on the new year before? “I guess I haven't really done much before. It's just been Ma and I, so after I bring some hats to the hospital, I just stay home. But...I dunno, maybe-”

Rise suddenly cut him off. “Whoa, wait. What about hats?”

“Huh—oh, right.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It's a tradition I started a long time ago, back when I first started to knit. See, there's that saying that babies come with hats, right? Like, every baby I ever seen come out of the hospital has a cute little hat keepin' them warm. So I asked Ma where the hospital got all the hats from, an' she said that sometimes they get donations. So I started learnin' to sew and knit hats, an' then I take all the hats I made over the year and donate 'em to the hospital.”

Rise's eyes were wide. “Really? You knit hats for babies?”

His eyes narrowed. “What, is that weird too?”

“...No, that's actually really awesome. Do you have one on you?”

Kanji went to say no, then remembered. “Uh, actually yeah. First one of this year.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the one he'd finished earlier. It was black, fitting for the mood he'd been in, and got rid of the end of a skein of yarn he'd had around for way too long.

Rise took it out of his hand, resting it on her hand. “You make black hats? I thought they were just pink and blue.”

Kanji shrugged. “Hospital don't seem to care. Hat's a hat to the baby. Don't care what color it is.”

Rise was fascinated by the hat, peering at the knitting. “You really made this?”

“Yeah...?”

“It's really good, Kanji.” She handed it back and he shoved it back in his pocket. “I think that's a really cool thing to do.”

“Thanks.” He pushed his hands into his pockets, regretting not bringing his gloves now.

“Cold?”

He looked back at her and shrugged. He was doing that a lot. “Just forgot my gloves.” And his hat. And to wear his proper winter shoes. And hadn't buttoned up his coat.

Rise's eyes wouldn't leave him, and finally he looked away. It was another moment before she spoke again. “So what happens after you drop off the hats?”

It took Kanji a moment to figure out what Rise was talking about. “I dunno. Are we dating, or are we just friends?”

“Um...does it matter?”

“Well, if we're just friends it's gonna be weird if we hang out in my room or something. Don't just bring girls in my room for the hell of it.” He cracked his neck. “Guess we go get food or somethin'. Ma usually makes a good New Year's dinner.”

The pause this time made Kanji wonder if she'd left, but a glance in his peripheral vision still showed her knees, pointed toward him. When Rise finally spoke again, her voice was little more than a whisper. “I bet you'd be a really good boyfriend, Kanji.”

He looked over at her, and she was staring at her hands, looking smaller than he'd ever seen her before. “Why'd you say that?”

Now she shrugged. “You just... you just feel like the kind of guy who'd never be pushy, who'd make cute things for your girlfriend, who'd...I don't know. Just be really nice to be around. Make her feel safe, but also not freak out if she was crying.”

Kanji blinked. “Uh...I guess? I mean, never really had one, so...”

She glanced up. “Why does everyone think you're gay?”

That got his face burning, but more from irritation at the memory than anything else. “Cause my Shadow's an ass.”

“I kinda get that feeling.” She looked down again. “But...if Shadows are something that comes from the person...”

“Look, I just...” His voice was raising, and he took a breath, forcing himself to calm back down. “People always thought I was, cause I was into girly things. An' after...back in middle school I fixed a girl's bag cause it got torn. Everyone made fun of me for like a year after, so I just stopped tellin' people. An' I just got scared of being rejected. Guy, girl, didn't matter. I just got sick of gettin' pushed away, so I hung around guys and pretended I didn't like the shit I liked. Guys didn't give me the same kinda shit.” He looked up at the sky. “So yeah, my Shadow's gonna look gay as hell, because sometimes that's how I feel inside, an' I know it don't make any sense cause I'm not really into guys and that's what bein' gay is, but... I dunno. Prob'ly don't make any sense.”

“No, I...I think I get it.” There was a moment of silence, and then Kanji felt a hand sneak into his pocket next to his, and when he looked, Rise had scooted over and laced her fingers with his. “Woo, your hands are freezing.”

“S'why they're in my pockets—why the hell are you holding my hand?” But he didn't pull away, because if for no other reason, her hands were distinctly warmer than his, even through the gloves.

“Because I don't think you forgot your gloves.” The sentence hung heavy in the air, and Rise's other arm wrapped around his and she set her chin on his shoulder. “And I want to go on that New Year's date you just told me about.”

His face burned again. “What—where the hell did that come from, you came up here an'...” And two broken hearts found each other.

Her eyes watched his. “I know it's not perfect, and maybe it'll just be today. But you're my friend, Kanji. I like you, and I'd be really sad if anything happened to you.” She let the silence sit, and it seemed perfectly natural. “I want to see all your hats, and I want to have dinner with your mom, and I want to go to the shrine with you and make wishes for the new year. I want to stay as long as I can, and sit in your room and maybe you can teach me to knit or something, I don't know. I want there to be rumors.”

“You just wanna make them jealous. It don't work that way.”

“I know, and that's not really why I'm doing this.” She bounced her chin on his shoulder. “I'm thinking about going back to being an idol in the spring, after school lets out.”

“Tha's cool. Town's gonna be quiet without you, though.”

“I don't want my last memories of Inaba to be screwed up by...” She glared past him, and he knew. “I want to make good memories. And I don't want you to go into the new year like this either. We both deserve better than to get our hearts broken on the first day of the new year.”

“...yeah, I guess.” He shifted his hand in his pocket so their palms were touching, rather than her hand on the back of his, and re-laced his fingers with hers. It...felt nice. It wasn't who he wanted, but... His eyes glanced back to her, and she gave him that thousand-watt Risette smile and he couldn't help but smile back. “Sure. Let's go to the shrine. Why not.”

And it didn't feel awkward to hold her hand walking down to the shrine, and it didn't feel strange to toss coins into the offering box together—she said she wished for success for both of them, he said he wished for happiness, and she said between the two they should have an awesome year—and when he pulled out a fortune for a huge blessing, and the romance section told him to look for love in new places, it didn't even feel awkward when she tugged him down for a kiss. Or another. Or another.

Her hair was too long and he was too tall and neither of them quite knew what to do, but when the first day of the new year ends with your shirts off and curled up together in a futon really only meant for one... Kanji could forget that her hair was too long and he was too tall and this wasn't what either of them had wanted, but he could kiss her shoulder and she'd squeeze his hand and maybe they could both forget for a while.

Maybe the new year wouldn't be so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Kanji's "babies come with hats" story is SUCH an obscure reference, if ANYONE actually got it I'd be astounded. Luckily, it also happens to be true.


End file.
